The New Year

I was in a management meeting today and my executive director asked us if we had made any New Year's Resolutions. I thought about it for a while and made a joke about not becoming the one person my doctor sees more than his wife this year. But seriously, I don't think I believe in resolutions. I mean if you want to make these big, major changes in your life, do it. Resolutions are for losers! What are the usuals: lose weight, spend time with family, take time for yourself, blah, blah. Guess what, you don't need a stupid resolution to tell you to do these things. If they were that important to you, you would be doing them anyway. And besides, people expect you to break your resolutions. They don't support you in your big life changes, they sit around and wait for you to screw up!
Okay, enough about resolutions. Here's a medical update. My blood count was low so I am seeing the vampires, oops I mean nurses who take my blood, weekly. My doctor also reduced my chemo so I could build my count back up. I see him in a month and hopefully then everything will be back on track. I don't feel bad, I just notice that I tire more easily.
Now, a Christmas update. I had a great Christmas. This is the first year that Madi really got opening presents. But she still wasn't all that interested. She got lots and lots of presents from everyone. I think it took her a few days to recover from Christmas. It was so exhausing because we were traveling all over Southern Illinois in that one day! Rollie seemed to enjoy Christmas too. For any of you who know my husband, know that holidays aren't his favorite time of year. Combine that with traveling to see all kinds of family, carting around a kid, and carting around presents back and forth...this equates to a grouchy husband! But this year, was pretty good. Well, I am tired so enough for now. Later.

Tis The Season

Well, we had our first official Christmas get-together tonight. I think Madi had fun. She seems to be a social little girl for the most part. I have a busy week at work. Parties everyday for one program or another! hehe The last time I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago, he said everything looked great and he stopped my prednisone totally. He told me that I still needed to get my bloodwork done every 2 weeks, but I could skip a month and see him in 2 months. I went today to get my bloodwork done and they calledme back this afternoon. They said my white count has dropped again and that I should cut my chemo pill dosage in half and I now have to come every week to get my bloodwork done until I see him in Feb. I have been feeling pretty good. I think that I am coming to terms with the fact that this is probably something that I am always gonna have to deal with or manage in one way or another. It sucks, but things could definitely be worse.

Frustrations

Have you ever had one of those days when you wonder why you even bother? Well, today was one for me. Actually, most of the day was pretty good. When I got home from work, it hit. My co-worker called me to tell me that she had heard from another client that one of my very first clients that I ever had, had been killed in a wreck. I know that when working with substance abusers, you can expect frustrations...lots of them. This is nothing new to me. But, this is a kid that I had really gotten to know well and had gotten to know probably better than anyone else in his life had even known him. He had grown up in an abusive household where he and his mother had frequent physical altercations over their drugs. His mother died in a car wreck while driving intoxicated while in counseling with me. I worked with him through this, helped him through rehab, and helped him once out of rehab. I really felt like he got it! I ended up closing him from treatment successfully. That was 3 years ago. Somewhere along the way, he got back into using, went to prison, and ended up back with us in counseling. This time he was in the adult program. He was not the same person, not even close. I don't know what happened, but something did. He would never show up and his parole officer would do nothing about it. Eventually, we closed him out of services due to noncompliance. Now, he's dead. So I ask myself, why? Why do I bother sometimes? Why don't people get it? Why do people lose it even after they seem to get it? I love what I do for a living, but sometimes, it really makes me question myself when these things happen.

I Hate Cold Weather

I feel so old and decrepid. I don't know if its my illness or the fact that I am gonna be hitting the big 30 next year, but I am SO achy and sore in this cold weather. It is like my joints and muscles just freeze and hurt to move. Everyone around these parts is doing pretty good. Madi is cute as ever, we just got her 15 mos. pics back with her pig tails in. She is a doll (not that I am biased)! Rollie is staying pretty busy with work and I even got him out to a dinner on Saturday night with my parents and no Madi. It was nice. We actually stayed out past our bedtime and had fun! hehe

I passed a dreaded kidney stone yesterday. I haven't had one of those darn things since before I was pregnant with Madi. I just kinda figured that the pregnancy had fixed whatever was wrong with that and helped bring my other illness out. But it doesn't seem to be the case. When I went to deliver Madi and had the complications, they elected to do a c-section. They found then that my placenta has calcified. I am guessing this is why the stones has stopped during the pregnancy. But still I haven't had one until now at least. Those things are painful. Before, when I was getting them, I was having them at least every 2 months. I hope to goodness it doesn't get like that again. Idon[t know if my body has an over-abundance of calcium or what. The thing is I also take calcium supplements daily because the medications that I am on can apparently deplete my supply. In fact, this is why they have me do bone density scans.

Enough about my medical crap, it seems there is always something going on! Nothing too serious, just enough to keep us on our toes! Later!

Hello Hello

Just popping in once again to let everyone know that I am doing well. Madi is doing excellent and Rollie is hanging in there too! The doctor started me back up on a portion of my chemo drugs because my white blood cell count is back up and running. We are starting to get some cooler weather around here and it is really making me feel like an old lady. My bones creak and my muscles ache. I do not look forward to the winter! Later

Slowly, One By One

It's have been a ling time again! I actually have some updates. Healthwise: a couple of weeks ago my white blood count dropped really low so my doctor took me off all of my chemo. I am off of it until I see him again in a few weeks. Also, Madi had her first "sick visit" to the doctor. She was put on antibiotics and she is doing great now. That stuff really kicked in quick! I took a trip to St.Louis for 3 nights for the National Conference on Criminal Behavior and Addiction. It was great, but I HATED being away from my husband and daughter. Nothing else really new! Please keep me in your thoughts, I have noticed the last few months, my hair is starting to really thin out. I don't know if it's the chemo or what. I know it is really superficial and stupid, but I was so happy when my hair wasn't falling out from the chemo. After everything I've dealt with I think my hair falling out would be the hardest for me to deal with. I don't want to deal with the other people. Right now, people can look at me and think there is nothing wrong, if my hair is gone, I will go back to getting those sympathy looks and comments. I don't want that! Later.

Life Is Passing Us By

Sometimes you just get so busy it seems that life just passes us on by. I haven't posted in a long time it seems. I haven't really been doing anything different...just the usual like family and work and family and work. I did find out yesterday that I will be away for 3 nights in September for a conference in St.Louis. I am excited, but I will miss my husband and daughter so much! Health wise everything is still just chugging forward I guess. The doc is still backing me off the steriods but he hasn't lower my chemo pill dosage yet. Hopefully, that will come soon. Well, not much else to catch up on...later.